Change2
In five minutes I will be hit by a car. I know my entire life and I won't change this.
In a moment of epiphany, I could see the paths of my life laid before me. Despite which path I chose, much of the joy was lost in consequences. Divorce, death, illness, depression, each path had its own strong drawback. Despite what path I chose, one act of kindness would lead to hundreds of miseries.
As such, the car is avoidable. I could decide not to go outside or possibly wait five minutes and then go outside. However, that is not my decision. In five minutes, I will be hit by a car.
It will hurt… a lot. I am well aware of the pain, though I could lie to myself about it. Maybe I could pretend I don't know what happens. I do though. I know in five minutes, when attempting to cross the street a black car with its headlights off will swerve out of its lane and slam into me at a speed of no less than 85 miles per hour, at least, that's what the doctors believes. The assailant is never found. It will be a hit and run.
Live and learn.
I will remain in a coma for a week. Upon waking, my legs will have no use. I will enter into physical therapy at East Meadow hospital. Comparatively, getting hit by the car wasn't bad. While there, I will be paired with a Dr. Janet Ellison. We will hit it off. Together we will realize the concept of love. After my release from the hospital we go on several dates. We drink coffee, see movies, and eventually have sex.
It's bliss.
After several months we decide to get married. One year and two months after tonight, we are married in an intimate ceremony with friends and families. The ceremony is the last time that I will see my parents alive. Their plane crashes on the way back to Chicago. It puts me into a fairly deep depression, I get out of it eventually, but the marriage suffers.
When Ulysses is born things get better. I will never be happier in my life than those first months. After those first months, though, several of the troubles between me and Janet resurface. She will move out and take Ulysses with her. They disappear for three years. I don't look forward to living the next four.
I really, really don't.
I know that I will buy a gun. I'll put it in my mouth and pull the trigger. The barrel is empty.
I get help.
I get better.
Really.
After three years Janet and my Ulysses re-enter my life. They move back in when Janet tells me she has cancer. She quickly deteriorates and dies in six months. I'm too depressed to attend the funeral but I'm told Janet would've liked it. I miss her everyday for the rest of my life and never remarry.
Knowing all this, I will still walk outside. I will still be hit by that car. I will save my son.
When Ulysses is nineteen he attends Ithaca College. He wants to be a director. Someone will offer him angel dust which he will accept. He will then walk out of a fourth story window. He will be pronounced dead at 2:17 A.M., I live in the fear of that phone call.
But no, it will not happen. I see another path. He will go to Ithaca. He will major in communications. I make him come home that weekend which he regretfully does.
I love him so much.
He graduates three years later. I am so proud of him. He moves to the west coast and works at Paramount pictures as an assistant to an upcoming director whose name eludes me. I see him twice a year at the most. We are both happy.
I write an autobiography, though it is never published. The company I send it to doesn't believe ones death can be mentioned in an autobiography. I wonder how that same publisher reacts when he sees that my “prediction” is true.
Thirty two years, Three months, six days, eight hours and sixteen minutes from right now, I will be stabbed in the side with a butterfly knife after refusing to give a mugger my wallet. I die on the way to the hospital. This is my path.
|