Act II Scene 3
Setting: The set-up is like your typical class room. All around the room are desks with a blackboard in the front. There are students in all the chairs but they lie limp sprawled across them, like lifeless dolls. They are all dressed in gray clothes, as well is the teacher. The room is hit with lights to make the room seem dreary and dead as the scene begins. There should be several moments of pure silence on the stage. Once Laslow enters the room the students should slowly start to come to life. Once Laslow sits, the teacher turns to the class, very energetically. She is a rather large teacher with short hair tied up in the back. She also wears thin rimmed glasses.
Teacher: Well students, I can see were all just biting at the chomp to get started, so lets begin. Who can tell me the answer to the question on the board? (several students raise their hands) (the teacher points at the hands) Yes, you, you, you! You too! Put your hands down, yes, there you go. Anyone else (someone raises their hands) Don't even attempt it, you'll insult both of our intelligence. (looks around) Well… I'm very disappointed in all of you, the answer was Brazil… you all should be studying!
Ralph: Sir, are you ever going to let us answer a question?
Teacher: Excuse me, Ralph, but do you see my face?
Teacher: Do you know what this is?
Ralph: Um… no
Teacher: This is me not caring
Ralph: Oh… I'll be quiet now
Teacher: Whether your quiet or not, I'm still failing you, so do as you please. Ahhh, the joy of grading by favoritism
Ralph: But that's unfair!
Teacher: See the face? That's what I thought. Moving along, the college fair starts tomorrow, who here plans on going on to college? (almost all raise hands) (pointing to them one by one) Great, Community, community, community, technical, diploma by mail… so heartwarming.
Jane: Well, I would be going to a real school if you weren't failing me.
Teacher: (almost showing concern) Really? Oh, my… well, what can I say, I do enjoy playing God!
Teacher: The face, once again…
Teacher: Moving on, who wants to go over last nights homework? (everyone raises their hands) No questions, none what-so-ever? (Pause) Very well, moving along!
Alex: But… (the teacher points to his face) … oh… yeah
Teacher: Anyway, today we'll be talking about Communism and why it has succeeded so well in the America's.
Alice: I thought that the United States operated through a Capitalist Democracy
Teacher: That's why you're the retarded little pissant student and I'm the high and might God amongst men teacher! Now shut up before I call Mayor Stalin on you!
Las: You are such a dick!
Teacher: Who said that? Who was it?
Las: Me! You pompous ass-hole!
Teacher: If nobody comes forward, the entire class will have to suffer! Now who was it?!
Las: (takes out a long knife and starts carving his initials into his desk) I'll make you a sign!
Teacher: Very well, since no one is willing to come forward, detention will be held after school for the entire class!
Las: (picks up desk and shows the top of it to the teacher) See this? This is the person who called you a tyrannical power hungry shriveled up piece of humanity… am I not getting through to you!?
Teacher: (no reaction)
Las: (returns to seat) Whatever… I'm going to kill you before this class is over!
Teacher: It's good to have goals! Proceeding on though, I've finished correcting your exams from the other day, and I must say, I am not pleased, not in the least
Alice: We didn't take any exams a couple of days ago
Teacher: You ignorant little bitch! Go to your house office at once!
Alice: What'd you say?!
Teacher: Call them as I see them (points around the room at various students) Slut, druggie, steroid abuser, child molester, pedophile, crack baby, spawn of Satan, NARC
Bob: (a student who looks like he's 40) Shut-up!
Teacher: (still pointing) Pussy, Fag, Nerd, (points to Laslow) Did I miss anybody?
Las: Me… you didn't mention me
Teacher: Nobody? Nobody at all?!
Las: Me you ASS!
Teacher: Very well, I'm going to write a problem on the board now, and I want you all to answer it… and I do mean everyone! (the teacher turns its back to the class)(The lights dim down and once again Chester is announced as entering)
Student: Ladies and Gentlemen, Mrs. Alglogox's class proudly present, Chester… the tester! (Chester enters in another flaming outfit)
Chester: Chester has appeared again, for the final test of you my fri(Laslow stands and punches Chester in the eye. As soon as Chester falls to the ground, Laslow starts kicking him as hard as possible)
Las: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Chester: Pain I'm feeling… all so strange… you have a very… deranged head. (Las drops the elbow)
Las: Go away! Nobody likes you!
Ches: Injuries, both inside-out… internal bleeding makes me pout
Las: (returns to seat) Is it just me, or am I being ignored?
Teach: (turns back to class, written on the board is "Why do you suck?") Very good, now answer this question
Larry: But I don't suck
Teach: Lyndsy… right?
Larry: No… I'm Larry
Teach: Unable to come up with a topic, huh?
Teach: What about how your girlfriend is cheating on you with the basketball team, or perhaps the fact that your ruined your parents marriage. Or maybe how at full tilt you amount to only 2 inches? How bout one of those?
Larry: Thanks… (starts to cry)
Teach: Oh yeah… and you're a pussy!
Las: You really are the biggest dick that I've ever seen!
Teach: Why thank you Sarah
Las: I said it, not her!
Teach: I know it was you Sarah, don't worry… you get an A for the quarter
Sarah: Hehe, great
Las: (stands) Hello?! Can you not see me or something?!
Teach: Bob, shut up, I can see you fine!
Bob: But, I didn't (Teach points to face. Bob goes quiet)
Las: What the hell is going on?! (Laslow goes to the board and writes various offensive phrases on the board) Look at me Ass!
Teach: Rufus, close the window, it appears the gym teachers are yelling again
Rufus: There are no windows
Teach: Thank you very much
Las: (starts flailing his arms in front of the teacher and then yells in his face) AHHHHH!!!
Teach: My, it is quite gusty today
Las: That it! (Laslow takes out a gun on shoots the teacher)
Teach: Bummer (falls dead)
Las: Screw you!
Linda: Mrs. Algl… Agl… al… the teachers on the ground!
Ralph: I think he/she's dead!
Las: I shot him you idiots!
Alex: Who said that?
Las: Me you pricks! The guy with the gun! (he shoots it into the air, no one notices)
Linda: I guess we should call the nurse
Rufus: Screw that, lets stuff him and have a study hall for the rest of the year
Linda: Won't someone notice?
Rufus: They haven't noticed the teachers in the science wing yet…
Rufus: So we're agreed?
All: Agreed! (the students exit, dragging the teacher after them)
Las: (long pause. He goes into the thinkers pose. He slowly gets up and then faces the audience) AHHHH! Why is everyone ignoring me?! Why did I just the teacher?! Why am I talking to myself all the time?! Why? Why? Why? Things were strange before, I'll admit, but what the hell is going on with me? Why doesn't anyone even care about what I've been doing? Its like… like all that happening is my darkest deepest thoughts are coming true. I don't even want to do most of this stuff… but its as if some part of me doesn't believe I'm really hurting these people. Is… is… is this the real me? (A nurse enters. She walks around the room, prepping the room for a new patient) Now what's going on? (Two doctors enter, wheeling in a boy on a bed. After dropping off the kid, the doctors exit) Did the nurse's office fill up? (Nurse continues her prepping) Hello? (Fires his gun into the air) HELLO! (she doesn't notice)
(During the following voice over Laslow slowly makes his way to the body in the bed)
VO 1: How's he doing?
VO 2: Not well… it looks grim
VO 1: Do we have a positive ID?
VO 2: Fraid not… he's a John Doe
VO: I thought you said their was no ID
VO 2: There isn't
VO: You just called him by name
VO 2: I called him John Doe… unknown?
VO: He even has a title on his name?
VO 2: No, he is an unknown… a John Doe
VO: So… his title comes first?
VO 2: Forget it! He doesn't have a name!
VO: I think John'd be mad to hear you say that
VO 2: Arg! Forget about it! Just watch over him…
(Las goes to examine the body, as soon as he looks at the body, shock should come across his face)
VO: Don't worry… I'll take good care of John