Act II Scene 2
Stage Manager: And so it happened that the hours did pass, and as morning arose, Laslow stopped carin.
(Fade out on SM)
(Fade in on store set)
(Laslow is behind the register just kind of dazing out. Enter a 5 year old little girl. She is purchasing various forms of illegal contriband. She has a stutter)
Cus: Um, um, um, how, how, much?
Las: (Slowly looks at her) I need to ring it up first. (First is a carton of cigs) Are you 18?
Cus: N, n, n, n
Las: Great (throws cig in bag. Runs through a 6-pack) Are you 21? Glad to hear it( takes a beer from it and runs it through)
Cus: You, you, you, di-di-di-didn't let me, an-an-answer
Las: Yeah, they'll do that to ya…. (takes out a bag of pot) Hmmm, this is a new product. (opens the bag) Just inspecting the merchandise (He runs his hand through the bag and comes out with a handfull) It all seems in order...
Cus: Si-si-sir, are you-o-ou, alright?
Las: That's great( runs through an economy size thing of glue)(Chugs beer) How'll you be paying?
Las: Do you ever stop talking? (slaps the girl on the head) Now beat it dufus! (The girl runs out crying. He sits up on the register. An elderly lady walks by the register with a cane. Laslow takes a stick from behind his register, knocking her cane out)
Lady: I've fallen, and I can't-
Las: Shut up! (the lady gives him a mean look) Jesus… (he jumps over the register and drags the old lady to the door, he boots her out of the store) Have a nice day! (walks back to register and rolls a joint, prepares to light up and his boss pops up)… gotta light?
Tim: Yes, but you'll have to wait till break
Las: And when is that?
Tim: Your next on the li-(Laslow lights a match off Tim's face) Hey!… share the wealth (Laslow flicks him off) Congratulations, you've earned employee of the month honors!
Las: I quit…
Tim: That's the spirit, have a 100 dollars (gives Laslow money)
Las: (examines it) Think I'll use this to put a contract out on your life…
Tim: I can see you've got upper management written all over you! Good work, Mr. Poke! (Tim dissappears again)
Las: (Inhales deeply on joint, a customer walks over to his register, the moment she starts putting things on the register, he immediately flciks her off) Screw you! (he reverses the direction the conveyor belt is going)
Cus: Hey, wait a-
Las: Excuse me, do you hear that?
Cus: (Trying to push items towards Laslow) The conveyor belt?
Las: Yeah, its symbolic, it's the sound of me not caring
Cus: Why I never!
Las: Maybe you should then (customer leaves. Las tries to light his register on fire as another customer enters)
Cus: Hi there! (puts coupons on register) I've got coupons for the stick of gum (Laslow picks up the divivder, looks at it, then smacks the customer with it) Owww! Why'd you do that?!
Las: … `eh (shrugs. Whacks again)
Cus: Hey, stop that!
Las: Yes, you many have another (whacks again)
Cus: Quit it!
Las: Hey, I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10
Cus: Um, 7?
Las: (whack) Did I ask you to guess?
Cus: This is insane, I'm taking my business elsewhere!
(the customer exits. Laslow throws the divider after him)
Las: Ass! (pause. Addresses audience) I said I was going to stop caring, and damn it, I meant it. Truth be told, it goes against my basic nature, but going against my very soul seems to be the only way to fit in here. I still have some of my personality qualities, however, I've begun to act on my darker impulses. Much like my mother. I still hate the woman, don't get me wrong, but… but I'm beginning to understand why she want to control or kill people…(pause) I haven't talked to or seen Donna since the incident, I think it's better this way . I don't really know how to feel… I've never really liked someone before, but on that note, I've never really hated someone before, either. The only consistent emotion of my life has been skepticism. (pause) She used me, but I don't think I reacted correctly, I mean, maybe I should've just given her the sample. I'm just… just so confused (enter a robber)
Robber: This is a stick-up, give me all the money, now!
Las: … no
Robber: What did you say punk?!
Las: I said no, can't you hear me through those stockings? (Robber fires gun)
Robber: Maybe you don't understand the situation. I've got a gun
Las: And I've got the money… what's your point?
Rob: (sticks gun in Laslow's face) Give me all the damn money!
Las: … not gonna happen
Rob: But… I… come on!
Rob: But… are you missing something here?
Las: Don't think so… quick question, did your mother ever beat you as a child?
Rob: No!… why? (Laslow takes out a bat from behind the register and club the robber. He falls to the ground unconscious)
Las: Just wondering if we had anything in common (into intercom) Clean up on register 3 (Las hops over the register and takes the robbers wallet) As I was saying, it goes against my basic nature (kicks robber) On the plus side, though, letting out my aggression seems to have stopped the musical numbers. (he examines his hand. Goes into a trance) I… can… see through it. Letting my aggression out has apparently released some super-pow(looks on register and sees joint) Wait, scratch that, I'm just kinda freaking out (reexamines hand. As he startes the upcoming monologue, customers surround him) Yet… here's a spot
Cus: Sir, are you alright?
Las: Out, damned spot! Out, I say! (pause) For who would bare the whips and scorns of time, the opposers wrong, the proud man's calumny (kicks robber) the laws delay (a spot light hits him) But, soft, what light beyonder window breaks, it is the west, and… and… these eyes of thine from mine have drawn salt tears and made them blind with weeping. I never sued from friend of foe (Pogue walks in with Donna) HAHAHA! Something wicked this way comes (to Donna) And I ask you, are you honest?
Las: Are you far?
Don: Sorta, why?
Las: That if you be both honest and fair, your honesty should admit no discourse to your beauty
Pog: Are you high man?
Las: Get thee to a nunnery! (enter Prat with Lucia) And so enters Pyramis and his tragedy ends the play
Prat: Are you ok, boy?
Las: (pause) What fools these mortals be! (he passes out)
Luc: (pause) I guess there goes any chance I had of getting a discount…
Prat: Maybe if we prop up his body and say were his parents, they'll
Luc: Who in rocks name are you?!
Prat: Argh! I can't take this! You people! All of you! Beware of this woman, she bring nothing but pain and torment (takes robbers gun) I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore (puts gun to his head)
(enter Dan, sees situation)
Dan: … I'm getting the hell outta here!
Prat: What?! (looks towards Dan, the gun goes off, Dan gets shot)
Dan: Not… again
Prat: (puts gun back to his head, pulls trigger, gun is out of bullets) No! Damn! Damn! Damn Dan!!! God Damn It!
Luc: (correcting) Rock damn it
Don: You seem familiar (to no one in particular)
Pog: That's cause we know each other
Don: Oh, OK then
Luc: (to Donna) Are you… Donna?
Don: Do I know you?
Luc: Not directly, but last night, I probed 7B's mind and it seemed that your image shown through quite brightly.
Luc: (sigh of disgust) Very well… Laslow
Don: Really? He's been dreaming about me?
Luc: It was more of a nightmare actually, a delightful one at that
Don: How bad was it?
Luc: Do you know what happens when you pout salt on a slug?
Don: Yeah… oh-h-h
Luc: I think he felt remorse towards the dreams end though… he gave you a delightful burial
Don: Ah-h-h… how sweet
Luc: Well… I suppose I should thank you
Luc: Without you, none of this would be happening
Don: All of what?
Luc: You don't know what this is? What is happening with the subconscious?
Pog: The what?
Luc: Nevermind… I might as well enjoy myself as long as his endorphins are active and he doesn't shut down.
Don: um… ok
Luc: Besides, I don't know why you show such interest in the boy, he is as boring as a triple helix hemi-globin
Don: More like a positively charged electron on the third spectrum
Luc: You… you're more intelligent then I believed
Don: The collective is quite vast
Don: Yes… the strong hold of my races intelligence
Luc: Are you… an Oodinarf?
Don: Yes, your familiar with my people?
Luc: I am one of your people!
Don: M… M… Mother?
Luc: Um, no
Don: Worth a try…
Luc: Well, as long as were in this state, we might as well catch up on things, come with me (the two exit as the chorus enters)
Buffalo Springfield's "Whats goin down"
(The song ends once Laslow walks offstage. At this point, everyone should freeze, even if its mid-beat or word)